Recently, I was talking with a friend who claims that his success comes from knowing right from wrong. He believes it was this black and white thinking that have guided him to success in his life. Following his thinking, the next question I had for him was do you always do what is right? He thought about it for a minute, then replied "no" but I consciously make the decision and accept the responsibility for not doing the right thing.
So what about promises, we make to ourselves and others?
Is it ever OK to break a promise? When is "OK" to break a promise? Promises are at the heart of our sense of right and wrong. When we make a promise that we feel is right, it makes us feel good. There is an inner happiness when we kept a promise. But what happens when we make promises for the wrong reason, and then wonder if it is "right" to keep it? Am I still being honorable?
Personally, I struggle to to know what is "right" sometimes. I believe making a promise means I must keep it. I believe my word is all I have in this world, and therefore once I make a promise I must keep it. I believe it is "right" to keep our promises, even to those who do not deserve it. I keep them because this is the foundation of who I am as a person and what I stand for which is truth, honesty and justice.
Sometimes, I think of life as a mountain that I must climb. As I reach higher altitudes, my perspective changes, but I remain the same. Each of us has our way of climbing, and own path. We may struggle to get to the top of the mountain, but when we get there we take a big breath and gaze in amazement and wonder.
There is a Zen story that represents that point. There was a monk who lived in one small room, and one night, a thief climbed through the window, announcing he was there to rob the monk. The monk replied, “I have only my robe, my pillow and my bowls.” The thief answered, “Okay, I will take them,” and climbed back out of the window. As the monk stood shivering naked in the cold, he looked outside and said out loud, “If only I could have given him the moon!” He could say this, because he already had everything he needed.
Life challenges us to face ourself. We shed the outer layers of what we think of ourself. We look in the mirror and see the angel and the demon within. Sometimes, if were lucky, the pain is transformative when we see it as a teacher; it is embittering when we crave what is not the whole being. It is only by being challenged we realize who we are. When a promise is broken, we break ourselves into pieces. We grown, we pickup the pieces, we learn. Yet still, these promises have a life of there own.
So when is it "okay" to break a promise? Is it OK to break a promise, if it is not a true representation of myself? How do I shed my skin so I can be shiny and new like the a new toy waiting to be opened on Christmas day?
The reality is that the naked monk in the Zen story above will probably lose his life in the cold. Martyrship is not a honorable, just stupid. The stronger I am, the greater my ability to not only protect myself, but to protect the one I love. Breaking a promise creates a broken feeling inside me. If I could only remember to extend the same compassion to myself in the same way as the naked monk did to the theif.
A promise is a contract. I am responsible for knowing the terms of all the contracts I make in life. As I learn through loss, I become wiser (hopefully) and I courageously break contracts face to face when they are no longer healthy or viable. As protectors of the good, I protect all things and all people who are good. There are no exceptions. I do not engage with those who cause harm, unless I am treating them for that illness of causing harm. The answer is detachment from those that are not good for me, as long as it is detachment with compassion. To feel a person’s pain as if it was my won self is empathy. However, empathy without wisdom can lead me to not following my own path.
There are some people who purposefully destroy what is rare and precious in others. It is an act of fear, and although I might have compassion for such pain, I still must remain faithful to what we know is true and dear in order to maintain the boundlessness of my own spirit; the very passion that makes my life worth living.
Boundaries are practical and required. I should not be a slave to another nor enslave others to balance their own fears or my own. This imbalance creates the hunger of never having enough. I stand naked in front of you; there is nothing for you to take, and nothing of another I want. I offer to you grace. If rejected then so it is, if accepted, then it is accepted. These are the terms of the contract I make with myself.
How long will I continue to give myself away to what was once so important after I have worked so hard to ascend the mountain? Will I continue to keep promises to the past who has never kept a promises to me? Should I continue to keep my promise to someone who has destroyed friendship and love for insecurity and selfish gain? How long am I willing to suffer unnecessarily playing the martyr, when there are so many victims of oppression in this world who could really use my help?
Life is not fair. People do not always keep there promises nor do they always get what they deserve.
Perhaps, when promises no longer reflect the truth is when it is "right" to break a promise. When I have walked to the end of the chasm, and the bridge does not appear. I must remember that keeping a promise to my true self and know GOD has a plan for all of us must be my guiding principle to when it is "OK" to break a promise.
Sadness and Happiness.
Failure and Success.
Strong and Weak.
Having the courage to listen to my true self takes practice and good teachers. I am working on it.
It is sometimes hard to hear of the true self that lies within. I make a promise to be myself to be my best. I promise to be to myself, and listen to my true self.
So what about promises, we make to ourselves and others?
Is it ever OK to break a promise? When is "OK" to break a promise? Promises are at the heart of our sense of right and wrong. When we make a promise that we feel is right, it makes us feel good. There is an inner happiness when we kept a promise. But what happens when we make promises for the wrong reason, and then wonder if it is "right" to keep it? Am I still being honorable?
Personally, I struggle to to know what is "right" sometimes. I believe making a promise means I must keep it. I believe my word is all I have in this world, and therefore once I make a promise I must keep it. I believe it is "right" to keep our promises, even to those who do not deserve it. I keep them because this is the foundation of who I am as a person and what I stand for which is truth, honesty and justice.
Sometimes, I think of life as a mountain that I must climb. As I reach higher altitudes, my perspective changes, but I remain the same. Each of us has our way of climbing, and own path. We may struggle to get to the top of the mountain, but when we get there we take a big breath and gaze in amazement and wonder.
There is a Zen story that represents that point. There was a monk who lived in one small room, and one night, a thief climbed through the window, announcing he was there to rob the monk. The monk replied, “I have only my robe, my pillow and my bowls.” The thief answered, “Okay, I will take them,” and climbed back out of the window. As the monk stood shivering naked in the cold, he looked outside and said out loud, “If only I could have given him the moon!” He could say this, because he already had everything he needed.
Life challenges us to face ourself. We shed the outer layers of what we think of ourself. We look in the mirror and see the angel and the demon within. Sometimes, if were lucky, the pain is transformative when we see it as a teacher; it is embittering when we crave what is not the whole being. It is only by being challenged we realize who we are. When a promise is broken, we break ourselves into pieces. We grown, we pickup the pieces, we learn. Yet still, these promises have a life of there own.
So when is it "okay" to break a promise? Is it OK to break a promise, if it is not a true representation of myself? How do I shed my skin so I can be shiny and new like the a new toy waiting to be opened on Christmas day?
The reality is that the naked monk in the Zen story above will probably lose his life in the cold. Martyrship is not a honorable, just stupid. The stronger I am, the greater my ability to not only protect myself, but to protect the one I love. Breaking a promise creates a broken feeling inside me. If I could only remember to extend the same compassion to myself in the same way as the naked monk did to the theif.
A promise is a contract. I am responsible for knowing the terms of all the contracts I make in life. As I learn through loss, I become wiser (hopefully) and I courageously break contracts face to face when they are no longer healthy or viable. As protectors of the good, I protect all things and all people who are good. There are no exceptions. I do not engage with those who cause harm, unless I am treating them for that illness of causing harm. The answer is detachment from those that are not good for me, as long as it is detachment with compassion. To feel a person’s pain as if it was my won self is empathy. However, empathy without wisdom can lead me to not following my own path.
There are some people who purposefully destroy what is rare and precious in others. It is an act of fear, and although I might have compassion for such pain, I still must remain faithful to what we know is true and dear in order to maintain the boundlessness of my own spirit; the very passion that makes my life worth living.
Boundaries are practical and required. I should not be a slave to another nor enslave others to balance their own fears or my own. This imbalance creates the hunger of never having enough. I stand naked in front of you; there is nothing for you to take, and nothing of another I want. I offer to you grace. If rejected then so it is, if accepted, then it is accepted. These are the terms of the contract I make with myself.
How long will I continue to give myself away to what was once so important after I have worked so hard to ascend the mountain? Will I continue to keep promises to the past who has never kept a promises to me? Should I continue to keep my promise to someone who has destroyed friendship and love for insecurity and selfish gain? How long am I willing to suffer unnecessarily playing the martyr, when there are so many victims of oppression in this world who could really use my help?
Life is not fair. People do not always keep there promises nor do they always get what they deserve.
Perhaps, when promises no longer reflect the truth is when it is "right" to break a promise. When I have walked to the end of the chasm, and the bridge does not appear. I must remember that keeping a promise to my true self and know GOD has a plan for all of us must be my guiding principle to when it is "OK" to break a promise.
Sadness and Happiness.
Failure and Success.
Strong and Weak.
Having the courage to listen to my true self takes practice and good teachers. I am working on it.
It is sometimes hard to hear of the true self that lies within. I make a promise to be myself to be my best. I promise to be to myself, and listen to my true self.
